Caitlin O’Rourke on Nuns

I went to school yesterday for the first time I mean the first time in third grade because at St Bridget’s we start later than other schools and Fr. Florsheim was there and he’s our new priest and I really like him because he’s younger than the other one who was fat and had lots of hair in his nostrils even though he was kind of nice sometimes, but once he fell asleep in the confessional and Jimmy Pochowski was in there and when he heard father snoring he made up lots of stuff like he ran over a cat with the lawnmower and he robbed a bank and kidnapped ten babies and killed his grandmother and buried her in the backyard and Father just said your sins are forgiven go in peace anyway and Jimmy thought that was really funny and I did too until I remembered that it was a mortal sin and so I told Jimmy off and he tried to pinch me but I saw it coming anyway we have these new sisters who are different than old Sister Joan who wore a brown jumper that had a zip up the front and Aunt Margaret said it looked the uniform she once saw a woman in a mental home wear and I didn’t like her much because she always told us that the pope was just an ordinary man which everybody knows isn’t true anyway Sister Joan has gone into a rest home for old nuns now and we have these new Domino Sisters who wear nice long white robes and black long cloth head dresses that mom says are called wimples and they are all young and very happy and I like them a lot and one of them is my third grade teacher and they all have nice names which don’t sound like real names that their parents gave them they are not called Sister Joan or Sister Tracy but Sister Mary Maximillian or Sister Benedicta Teresa or Sister Mary Elephant which I like very much and think they’re very nice and holy and Flora and me both want to be nuns only I don’t think I would be a very good one because sometimes I don’t like to pray that much and I was picking a scab once during prayers when Sister Joan saw me and made a face at me that reminded me of a cat that I saw once when it was eating a chipmunk and Jimmy says that his sister Margaret told him that they are called Domino nuns from Nashville because they like Country Western music and because they all get their money from a man who once ran Domino’s pizza and is very rich I don’t know about that but my new teacher is called Sister Mary Albert and when I heard Jimmy Pochowski calling her Fat Albert I kicked him hard and I don’t feel bad about it because he should learn some respect.