Winter Holiday Cookie Recipe (1970s Version)

Serves: All.

Get some butter, margarine, or other oil-like substance of your choice. Also get some sugar or other sweetener. (Note: exact amounts are patriarchal and legalistic! It’s up to each person to decide how much of these ingredients to use!)

Mix them together, apologizing to each for inflicting this oppression on them; use the opportunity to reflect on injustice.

Now add an egg, unless you are a vegan and you’d be offended. Stir the egg in vigorously but don’t “beat” it, because “beating” is violent and wrong.

In another dish, preferably an earthenware bowl of no particular design that is by its sheer ugliness authentic and real, mix some flour and salt. Add this, with some cruelty-free vanilla, to the butter/sugar/egg, or margarine/sugar substitute/no egg, or whatever you’ve done so far.

Make sure everyone has a chance to stir the dough so that all will feel welcome. Then chill the dough in the refrigerator for a time, and ponder the coldness of the old, rigid way of making cookies compared to this new enlightened approach.

Bake the cookies in a reasonably hot oven. You can, if you like, use cookie cutters, but free-form dough shapes are more compelling and tell their own stories, while cookie cutters impose dull uniformity and inflexible shapes on the dough, which is really sad when you think about it.

The cookies are done when you feel like they’re done! Serve them to groups of people sitting in circles on the ground, because we don’t want to get all formal or anything.

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Christmas Cookie Recipe (Revised Translation)

Serves: You and many.

Having procured one chalice butter, 2/3 chalice sugar, cream these ingredients, that by their commingling, you may begin to make the dough.

In a similar way, the butter is having been made commingled, with the sugar, beat in one egg.

Gather these dry ingredients to yourself, which you have received, so that, having combined them, you may add them to the dough which you have already begun to make: 2 1/2 chalices sifted all-purpose flour. 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon vanilla.

Make the precious dough with your venerable hands.

Into the refrigerator graciously place the dough, so that it, having been chilled for the duration of 3 or 4 hours, before the rolling and the the cutting of the cookies.

When, in the fullness of time, you are a ready to bake these spotless cookies, these delicious cookies, these Christmas cookies, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Rolling out the dough and taking up the cookie cutter or stencil of your own choosing, fashion the cookies into forms that are pleasing.

Sprinkle colorful adornments of the cookies like the dewfall.

Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, or until the cookies have just begun to attain to the brownness that is graciously granted them by the oven’s heat.

May these cookies be found acceptable in your sight, and be borne to a place of refreshment at your table whereon they may be served with milk, hot chocolate, or with your spirits.