More from the newly unearthed Richard Williamson film review archives:

My dear people, I need to speak to you today about a painful topic. I want to warn you and your children about the dangers of the insidious television program and film series ‘Lassie’. To many people this appears to be nothing but a sweet and harmless story about a boy and his dog. They couldn’t be more wrong!

This is practically pornographic in every way. The word ‘lassie’ is Scottish for ‘young girl’ or ‘hussie’. I don’t need to go into details, but you can see from the publicity photographs that the boy has an unhealthy relationship with this dog, and the whole story is symbolic of a sexual relationship that the child might have with an un-named ‘lassie’ who might come into his life. We are told that the boy ‘Timmy’ (a blasphemous parody of the great St Timothy) has ‘adventures’ with his dog. What a scandal! To insinuate into our homes a young boy in a relationship with a shameless adventuress!

And what are we to make of his seemingly kind and good parents? They are negligent parents. They turn a blind eye to their son’s wanton adventures. Do they challenge him to pursue healthier relationships? No. They are simply wrapped up in their own lives, and as they only have one son, they are obviously contracepting and don’t really care about children.

The film is worst in what it does not show. Is ‘Timmy’ shown to be a good altar boy at church? No. Is ‘Timmy’ ever shown memorizing the Baltimore Catechism? No. Are there ever any on screen discussions of the apostasy of Vatican 2, the heresies of John Paul II, and the pseudo orthodoxy of ‘Pope’ Benedict XVI?

Finally, the breed of the dog–a ‘collie’– is known to be a sheep dog. Do you see how subtly the Hollywood Jewish conspiracy have maligned and mocked Catholic bishops? We are the true shepherds, and they compare us to a dog.

Dear people, do not watch this trash. It will rot your soul.