Pope John Paul gets to the pearly gates and St Peter says, “Well, it’s good to see you, but you know you were a bit hard on the women down there. They wanted to be priests and so forth, but you kept them down. So your penance is to walk around down there for a time with this woman.
An old feminist nun comes out. She’s ugly as sin. She’s got a voice like a screech owl. She’s wearing a polyester pantsuit. She takes John Paul’s arm and as they walk along a circle of purgatory she berates him…”You’re a misogynist. You’ve got problems with women.” She shakes her finger and gives him a proper old earful. He nods and goes along and tries to be patient. As they walk along he sees George Carey tripping along with Marilyn Monroe on his arm. John Paul sees this and wonders what is going on.
Next time he comes around to St Peter he says, “Look Father. I tried my best. I kept women’s ordination out of the Catholic Church, and this is my reward? What about that George Carey. He gave in to the feminists. He ordained women and now look where his church is. He did all that and I get this harridan and he gets to walk along with Marilyn Monroe??!! What’s up?”
St Peter says, “It’s none of your business what penance I give Marilyn Monroe.
Very funny–LOL Oh, and BTW the article on Baptism you wrote for “This Rock” Very nice–I’m a sponsor for a 20’s young guy and I’m sharing your article with him–I’m sure he’ll love it.
Dwight,You’ll know we’re a bit behind over here in the UK. I’ve just learnt of Fr Francis Mary Stone’s stepping down from EWTN and his order. He’s not so well known here so it didn’t make the news as in the States.You may have written about this in your blog at the time. But I wonder what was your reaction,as well as that of your bloggers? As a married man with children, you are in a unique position in the Catholic denomination. I’m sure your parishioners don’t regard you as a ‘second class priest’ just because you have a family.Then there’s someone like the wonderful Fr Gorschel, a wise, learned priest of the old school; then Fr Francis, a young, talented priest with so much to offer. But because of the celibacy rule, he has to leave.I know the well rehearsed arguments about marriage in Protestant denominations not ending adultry or leading to a large amount of ordinations there. I know Catholics believe priests take their lead from Jesus’ celibacy (I agree He was)I agree with Catholic bloggers I looked up who were writing at the time, that it was a very sad situation. But not because Fr Francis broke the celibacy rule; rather because this man-made rule has proven such a barrier to great men coming forward to serve your denomination.Just think, 100 years ago, your claim to ordination (which most Catholics I am sure accept as valid, and I would personally agree) would nonetheless have been dismissed. And your denomination would suffer without you.BlessingsJames
I’m sorry but father are you in favor of ordaining women? Maybe I misunderstood the joke. Why would St Peter say Pope John Paul was a bit hard on women? Please don’t get me wrong I thought the joke was funny but joke aside I would like to know your stance on this subject as I am knew to your blog and have really enjoed it.Thank you & God BlessCarlos.
It was just a joke. I am not in favor of the ordination of women.
Hello James. I would prefer to see all the great men who did come forward for ordination to the priesthood, and served God all the better for being celibate.I’m surprised that you are so clericalised! You seem to imagine that the only men who can serve God in the Church are celibate priests. The Catholic Church has an army of married laymen who do saintly and wonderful work for Christ’s Church.The discipline of celibacy was recommended by Jesus and St Paul and many of the saints. I uphold the discipline whenever asked, and simply observe that I (and a few others like me)have been granted a special dispensation to allow us to serve as Catholic priests.
Dwight,Wouldn’t it be better to expand the model of priesthood? Your example is one way of living priesthood; Fr Groschel is another and poor Fr Francis could have been a third. Different styles, but all dedicated Catholic priests serving God.Remember, your first pope was a married man. It was a model Catholics followed for 1,000 years.BlessingsJames
I’m not going to sleep now trying to figure out Marilyn’s penance. Doh! LOL!
James: married priests can be a great blessing. I have known some married ministers who, with their wives, have been marvelous partners together in the ministry–also showing a great example to the flock of a great Christian family.However, we all know many clergy marriages that are less than ideal. We know the added complications of priests being allowed to marry. Furthermore, in today’s society, clergy marriages seem just as all over the place as the rest of the world. One hears about multiple divorces and marriages within the ranks of the clergy etc etc.Likewise I have known saintly, wonderful celibate priests, and others for whom celibacy has been a terrible and not very edifying burden.From a practical point of view there are pros and cons both ways. There are abuses and sinful conditions both ways.As far as I’m concerned, if the Holy Father decides to change this discipline fine. If not, fine.
Dwight,Ah! Enough theology. Let’s have another joke instead.Greenville’s leading basketball team sign a promising young player from Iraq. In the State Championship, Greenville are twenty points behind with just five minutes left. The coach decides there’s nothing to lose, so he brings on the young Iraqi boy who goes on to score 21 points and wins the Championship for Greenville. The fans go wild. The coach is ecstatic. The media crown the young Iraqi lad ‘the best player ever.’As soon as the game finishes, he asks the coach if he can phone home to tell his parents the news. His mother answers the phone. He says:”Mom, I came on in the last five minutes of the State championship, scored 21 points and won the game for Greenville. The coach loves me, the fans love me and the media want an interview.”His mother replies: “Well, son, I’m happy for you. Let me tell you about my day. Your sister and I were mugged on the way to that rundown row of stalls laughingly called a mall where they sell the most basic of foods. Your father came to visit us in the rat infested shell of a building called a hospital where he was assaulted by a madman in the unlit corridors. He is now in intensive care. Your younger brother has joined a gang and has been appointed second in command to the neighborhood warlord.”The Iraqi boy starts to cry: Mom,” I don’t kow what to say. I’m sorry.”His mom replies: “Sorry? You’re sorry! It was you who insisted we move to Greenville in the first place.”Blessingsjames
Sounds more like Bristol or Swindon to me.
Dwight,Remember your audience. Yanks one and all. They have no idea where Swindon is. They can’t even pronounce it. (Sween-done) They have no idea where England is. Or Europe. And if Hilary gets in, Lord help us all.No, sorry. Its Greenville. Not quite Oxford where I’m orf to next week.Blessings and good nightJames
“They have no idea where England is. Or Europe.”How gracious.
Tough old American veteran of WW2 visiting England gets a whole earful of the sort of smug anti-American snobbery we’ve just heard here.He listens. Nods his head and listens to some more of the usual stuck up British bigotry then says, “Excuse me, do you speak German?”The Brit says, “No.””You’re welcome.”
Father L – you have some flowers waiting for you at my place.
Please forgive my lack of understanding father and thank you ever so much for your response. I am so glad to see priest like you are still out there defending the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ.God bless you ever so much and keep up the GREAT work father.Carlos.
Oh by the way father that’s not a big stick, it’s a long stick!Just kidding father, it’s only a joke.May God keep you alwaysCarlos.
Love it!
Dwight, Lighten up. No one accuses you of sectarianism for your Archbishop Carey joke or your regular swipes at Anglicans. America has produced too many great humourists for you to be so obtuse.Blessings (and God Save America0James
Fr Dwight,Not that you need me to say it, but from beginning to end of this post it seems obvious that you are ‘lightened up’.God bless you chief.
James H – Sectarianism is defined as belonging to a small religious group with unusual or unorthodox beliefs or customs.An example of this would be someone who left the Catholic Church to join a charismatic house church. Not someone who went the other way.But I agree with you about Hilary.Y’all have a good day! (as we dumb Americans say)
Dwight,You offer a very strange definition of sectarianism. It would be more accurately defined as discrimination, intolerance or hatred towards other faiths and Catholics can be as guilty of this as much as any other denomination.A good example is what you wrote about the Archbishop of Canterbury on Feb 8th regarding his comments on Islamic Sharia law in Britain. Below a picture of him in his dark robes and heavy beard, you wrote: “I’m not good with the graphics thing, but can anybody doctor this photograph? He’s got the beard, just add a turban or something…”That’s an obnoxious sectarian remark, akin to those racists who joke that all Jews have big noses and humped backs.Dwight, you seem to have a lot of anger in you about other Christian denominatons. This spills out in disgraceful remarks like the one above. But you have a zero tolerence to any remarks made about Catholics or now, Americans. My joke and follow up remarks were just that- jokes. I don’t believe for a moment that Americans are any dumber than any other nationality. I use the word Yanks as a slang term, in the way English people refer to Scots like me, as Jocks.As a Scot living in England, I get teased a lot about being mean and if its done in good humour, thats fine. But please leave out the nastiness.I’m delighted you seem to have redeemed yourself in the comment following this over dumb American/Brit jokes.Blessings James
James: here is the definition of ‘sect’ and ‘sectarian’ from the dictionary:Sect – a group regarded as heretical or as deviating from a generally accepted religious tradition.Sectarian – of or relating to a sect.As I’ve said, an example of a sect would be a charismatic house church, and a sectarian as one who belongs to such a group.Oh, by the way, someone did provide an excellent photograph of the Archbishop with a turban. It’s something called satire James…
Re: Fr. Francis Mary StoneFrom ancient Christian times, whether priests were married or single, they were never allowed to marry _after_ they became priests. (Unless the priest’s wife died, he had lots of young kids, and the bishop took pity on the poor orphans and their priest dad.) So even if we Latin Rite Catholics suddenly went over to the Eastern rites’ practices in this matter, Fr. Stone still couldn’t marry and remain a priest.Oh, and no married priest can ever become a bishop in the Eastern practice.
Dwight,I’m sure the Nazis labelled their obnoxious depictions of Jews as satire too. As for your definition of sectarianism, as usual, you are very selective. The Oxford English dictionary defines sectarianism as: 1. adjective, of or concerning a sect.2. bigoted or narrow-minded. Catholics, Protestants and even Tennessee snake charmers can all be held guilty in this regard.By all means disagree with the Archbishop of Canterbury, and many Christians including myself do. But for you as a Catholic priest to gleefully make such an obscene childish remark by claiming all Muslims are hairy, bearded people in turbans, is disgraceful. If my Protestant pastor made a similar remark, I’d wonder if he was fit for office.Maureen – you made a very good comment on the history of Catholic odination. However, just because Fr Francis falls in love, is he any less a priest?BlessingsJames
C’mon James, lighten up!
Fr Francis isn’t young, he’s middle aged.The priests who find celibacy a burden and a sacrifice I think have an unrealistic romantic idea of marriage, which is also a burden and a sacrifice. LOLMy brother’s priest(ess) got divorced after an international adoption of a very young child…so now their priest is a young divorced single mom…just what they want to normalize and hold up as a model for their children. As if their aren’t enough divorced and single moms in their world already. I don’t think any of their school friends have intact families.A divorced priest or priestess doesn’t show forth the constant and unwavering love Christ has for his Church, that marriage is supposed to image, Eph 5.But apparently divorced priests and priestesses are allowed in some churches.A former Catholic priest friend of mine was a divorced man before becoming a priest, then he left the priesthood and got married, then he started his own schismatic church. Breaking vows and ripping apart families and the body of Christ seems to be a regular habit with him. BTW he’s charismatic so he’s filled with the Holy Spirit while he wreaks all this destruction in people’s lives. He has that brittle pride so common of charismatics.