POPE PERFORMS MASS FOR AFRICANS
Pope Benedict XVI, the leader of the world’s Catholics, performed Mass today at a very large place in Anglola, Africa. The aging pope wiped his brow several times and seemed weak and very frail. The crowd was estimated at several thousand. Many people were there to hear the former member of Hitler’s Nazi youth speak about the evils of racism. The man his critics used to call ‘Nazi Ratzi’ has recently rehabilitated holocaust denying bishop Williamson. It has been said that the ‘PanzerPope’ disagrees heartily with Bishop Williamson and thinks that Bishop Williamson is wrong in his harsh critique of the much loved film The Sound of Music.
Wearing a flowing pink robe, and surrounded by men in lace gowns, the man his critics used to call ‘God’s Rottweiler’ spoke in his heavy German accent to the cheering Africans about the evils of homosexuality and told them not to use condoms. At the place where the Pope did Mass yesterday two girls were killed by the crowd. Lavinia Truck, the spokesperson for WEAC (We Are Church) said, “This Pope is very old. He is frail. He is obviously not infallible. If he were infallible he would have been able to stop those girls being killed. I went to Catholic school, and I know the dogmas. This is not an immaculate Pope.” Robert Mugabe, the leader of troubled Zimbabwe, said, “Like many American politicians. I too am a Catholic. I think this old white man should have stayed in Italy and gone to bed early with a good book and left Africans alone.”
Not all Catholics were critical of Pope Benedict’s visit. I spoke with a very nice African woman in her thirties who was mentally disabled. She said, “I like the Pope. They gave me more candy today.” A group of elderly women commented, “Today we have had a day off from the washing and collecting water. The Pope is a great man.”
Todd Unctuous is forty two.