Because the fast way to hell might be through a big, nasty, dirty and shocking mortal sin (with sudden death soon to follow) but the slow way is to take the ‘broad way that leads to destruction.’
The road to hell is shoulder to shoulder with nice people who never do anything very bad, but also never do anything very good. Complacent, ordinary folks who say, “Yeh, well, I’m only human. It’s true I have some faults, but I’m working on them. But I’m not really a sinner. I mean, I’ve never murdered anyone! Chuckle chuckle.” This road is a broad, nicely paved road with a very, very slight downward incline–enough to keep us coasting, but not enough to notice that we’re going downhill.
As long as we don’t think we need God we’re far from God. On the other hand, as soon as we even resolve to go to confession we’ve taken the narrow side turning off the broad road. As soon as we step into the confessional and get on our knees we’re back on track with God. It almost doesn’t even matter what we confess. What matters is that our heart has turned back to God. We’ve acknowledged our need of him. We’ve therefore put ourselves back into his will.
Confession is actually a good, healthy and wholesome thing to do. It’s healthy and wholesome like getting up early, getting some exercise, turning off the TV and eating our vegetables.
What I can’t understand is how anyone–most of all Catholics–can live without it. Along with the Eucharist, it’s water for the thirsty, food for the hungry, light for the blind and fresh air for those who are locked in the dungeon of self and sin.
I have family who simply will not go to confession. They find it intimidating, embarassing and uncomfortable. Nothing I can say seems to make any difference to them. I go regularly and feel it is a critical sacrament, just as the church teaches.
Too bad. Do they go to the dentist, or is that ‘intimidating, embarrassing and uncomfortable? Do they go for a regular physical or a colonoscopy or is that ‘intimidating, embarrassing and uncomfortable?Geesh, the stuff you could add to this list that we all take as an ordinary part of life could go on and on. What about going to the gym for a workout? I find that intimidating, embarrassing and uncomfortable.Anyhow, maybe when we make our confession we should also do so as an act of reparation for all our family members who will not or cannot avail themselves of this wonderful sacrament.
What I haven’t figured out, is what you’re supposed to say when you don’t have a mortal sin on your conscience that you can think of. Yes, I have plenty of venial sins, but I always feel silly going into confession and saying, “I got mad at my husband over something stupid last night.” Everyone says confession is great, but I really don’t know what to say in the confessional – I actually TRY to find mortal sins, and I’m always afraid there’s one I’ve missed, but nothing really pops up. And no, I’m not even remotely saintly, I’m just not wicked either, but I wouldn’t waste my breath calling myself a “good” person.Any assistance would be met with gratitude!
Its good to confess venial sins and widen your confession to become an act of love for God and for others. Someone might say, “I confess that I haven’t loved God enough, and that I am separated from him, and I ask to be reconciled and to be one with him. For these and any other sins that I may not know of or that I have forgotten I ask forgiveness.”
Fr. L,I agree that they are daft to stay away and that reconcilliation is one of the best things we Romans have going for us.Perhaps it really is time I pitched it again. I think it is partly that there is the discomfort issue but also the idea that once you’ve not gone for too long (since confirmation in one case) you’re over burdened by everything. I need to try convincing that the nature of the sacrament tends to include all of those forgotten sins.Cheryl,I think things like ‘I wasn’t able to recall any specific sins this week but I sometimes drive my car a bit rashly and I would like to pray for all the sins i can’t remember’ will work in a pinch.The examination of conscience provided in some Missals is very, very thurough and can usually scare up a sin or two while you’re waiting in line.Also thinking through your life as if it were a ‘movie of your life’ can help to recall long forgotten ones. The priests in my megaparish are, well, you know, pro’s. They’re pretty adept at walking people through things.For fun you can always make up heinous sins. Just kidding!! Fr, have you ever suspected any of your kids of pulling your leg or does the gravitas of the sacrament prevent that?
“I confess that I haven’t loved God enough, and that I am separated from him, and I ask to be reconciled and to be one with him. For these and any other sins that I may not know of or that I have forgotten I ask forgiveness.”I like that!! But now you’ll know if I show up in your confessional. Hmm.
As a Protestant, obviously I’ve never been to Confession. But it is something I very much look forward to if I ever get up the nerve to convert. I don’t look forward to going over all the sins of my life because that will certainly take a while. (I think I better make an appointment.) But I do look forward to the idea of being accountable. I would imagine that the idea of regularly telling a Priest about all the stupid, hateful, evil, etc. etc. things I do in my life will make me somewhat less likely to do them. To have to regularly examine my conscience and think about my sinfulness will be good for me. Even now as a Protestant, I ask God to forgive me, but I think there will be something more substantial (maybe not the right word) about having to actually say out loud to a real human being what I have done wrong.Like I said, I’ve never done this before, so maybe I am wrong, but I think I would like to go to Confession regularly. I need all the guidance I can get.
“I think it is partly that there is the discomfort issue but also the idea that once you’ve not gone for too long … you’re over burdened by everything.”Marcus, I couldn’t agree more; I would add that at that point it becomes an issue of “How long is this priest gonna listen to my tale, how much does he care, and how much should I care what he thinks”. I have a 27 y.o. son whom I think is in this boat. Fell into spiritual somnolence at Clemson, no good priest like Fr. D. in the area back then. At one point we asked our family priest here to sit down with him on his break, but were refused (priest “too busy”). Son graduated, took a job in mid-town Atlanta and just oozed on down the downward spiral. All who meet him say “What a great guy, so personable.” Bit he is dead-in-the-water spiritually.
“On the other hand, as soon as we even resolve to go to confession we’ve taken the narrow side turning off the broad road. As soon as we step into the confessional and get on our knees we’re back on track with God.”Yes! This has ever been the case with me. The actual examination of conscience can become a swamp of generalities, but once you’re in that confessional, you’re on God’s terms and His hands.But there are two things that are guaranteed to make a good confession: sorrow and resolve.That is, sorrow for your sins and the resolve never to commit them again.Especially if you clinche down on the resolve aspect, your reconciliation with God will be deep.And often having sorrow for your sins may simply mean recognizing them.I don’t fully trust a lot of the stuff one hears about “opening yourself up” in confession and talking about yourself and “your struggles”. If the priest asks to hear about it, then tell him. But don’t be indulgent. One cannot emphasize enough these two handles:Sorrow for your sinsand resolve never to commit them again,and then – go into the confessional.
I 'rediscovered' Confession a couple of years ago. I go regularly now and find that this is THE sacrament that keeps me honest and on the right path. When I was younger and would not go because of some 'good' reason, my spirituality tended to run hot or cold & sinful habits seemed impossible to overcome. This has all changed because of regular Confession…. I thank God for this sacrament!
Oh, MHL, I know it might be shocking to family and friends, but it doesn’t take lots of nerve, just find a RCIA class and start going. After many, many years we have finally been able to do that and have never been so at peace and yet serious about our “religion”. No matter where you’re coming from, just be humble and God will guide you. Its sweetest, most beautiful journey you could begin.
Marcus Aurelius – Our parish has the sacrament of reconciliation on Saturday afternoon. We go as a family, we get cleaned up and then we go out to dinner and make a celebration of the fact that we have done work that needed to be done and we thank God for the fact that His Mercy is wonderful!Many venial sins make for one big sin … the snowball effect. As a protestant convert, I was scared to go to confession – I did not know what I was supposed to do, but the priests that I encountered were very helpful, very generous with their time and helped me tremendously.About a year ago, after being RC for nineteen years, (my RCIA was in California…no real formation, but a lot of good fluff!), I made an appointment with a Father Of Mercy priest, prayed over my examination of conscience leaflet, and then went in and made a general confession.While I had gone to confession on a fairly regular basis and had confessed my current sins, nothing has ever felt so good as when I did an in-depth confession.To be in God’s mercy and to be in a state of grace (if only for a little while!) is absolutely wonderful. I highly recommend it – and I do feel badly for those religions who do not use it in their practice.
I am a convert from Easter 2008. At first, I went to confession reasonably often (every two weeks or so) but for the last few months I haven’t been able to go. In my heart I don’t understand why Catholics need to go to confession, though I have read all of the catechisms about it. I used to go to daily mass, but I’ve stopped going to mass entirely since I haven’t been to confession. I don’t really know where this is going. I guess I just want to say, be more understanding, because sometimes things are hard for people who don’t have a very strong faith or much support.
Suzanne,Don’t feel hopeless. Don’t be slack, the devil is tempting you. I encourage you to go to Mass esp. Sunday even if you haven’t gone to confession. You might still need spiritual guidance to encourage you to stand firm with your faith. You can join a prayer/spiritual group in your parish. I will be praying for you.
Dear Suzanne,I don’t want to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but I couldn’t help noticing this part of your comment:”I used to go to daily mass, but I’ve stopped going to mass entirely since I haven’t been to confession.”What got my attention was not the part where you say you’ve stopped going to mass, but have stopped going since you haven’t been to confession. I know this well, as there have been times where when I hadn’t been to confession for a while I would not go up to receive communion, and would even struggle to make it to mass, though I still went to mass.This is a sign of scrupulosity, and it does not come from a good source. It stems from thinking, on some level, that your state of grace somehow depends on your own strength (i.e. your well-tuned habit of getting to confession regularly). It’s strange, because of one’s scrupulosity, one ends up dashing the whole thing.I won’t say anything more. God bless you. And get to confession, and mass, your only true support!Paul.
Dear Suzanne – I will keep you in prayer. It is difficult to go to Mass every week – I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to get to Mass every day…God is still there for you – – You are loved with an everlasting love.
mhl – please consider enrolling in an RCIA program at a Catholic parish. Your statement, “(Confession) is something I very much look forward to if I ever get up the nerve to convert”, is clearly a sign of God’s grace at work in your life. I can tell you, to know that one’s sins are entirely forgiven is a profound grace that brings true peace and freedom. I am so very thankful to the Lord for the priests through whom God has restored me to grace. Why wait any longer – pray for the courage you desire and join the rest of us converts who “swam the Tiber” home to Rome.
I have a question that has been puzzling me for some time.Catholicism teaches that those who die with unconfessed, unrepented mortal sin risk damnation.However, the logical corollary of this idea is that two men who live together in a monogamous and faithful sexual relationship – and are kind and just and valuable members of society – will receive the same eternal punishment as, say, Stalin or a terrorist.This seems hugely unjust. Can Fr Longenecker or any of the commenters here shed any light on the matter?
While there is no scriptural or dogmatic evidence for this, it is logical and compassionate to assume that there are different and just levels of eternal punishment–this is illustrated well in Dante’s Inferno.Also, it is not for us to judge the eternal state of any soul. There are too many factors involved in any moral choice for us to make the call.
MHL – I am a former Protestant (converted Easter 2006). To put it crudely, it scared the crap out of me when I realized I needed to become Catholic to fully follow Christ. Today I can’t imagine being separated from the truth of the Catholic Church and the sacraments, particularly confession and the Eucharist. I look back and don’t know how I lived without them before. I hope you can take a similar leap of faith…Fr. Longenecker – Here is a quote I heard a few months ago that I like to remember when thinking on my venial sins:”The Catholic Church holds it better for the sun and moon to drop from heaven, for the earth to fall, and for the many millions on it to die of starvation in extremest agony, as far as temporal affliction goes, than that one soul, I will not say, should be lost, but should commit one single venial sin, should tell one willful untruth, or should steal one poor farthing without excuse.” – Cardinal Henry Newman
niall – “two men who live together in a monogamous and faithful sexual relationship – and are kind and just and valuable members of society – will receive the same eternal punishment as, say, Stalin or a terrorist.”Let me change that paragraph around – two abortionists live with their wives, several children and go off to work every day. They are kind and just and valuable members of society … will they …There is nothing “monogamous” about a homosexual relationship, any more than there is such a thing as an abortionist doing a kind deed when he/she performs an abortion.We do trust in God’s mercy and not a one of us is judge before we see Christ – however, your statement seems to legitimize homosexual behavior.If you had written two men lived together and were not involved with one another sexually, then that is a different story – Jesus, I trust in You.
Two quick points. I totally agree that there is no such thing as a “loving monogamous homosexual” couple. I lived the homosexual life for over thirty years and I know there this is a big myth. There are long term couple, but not a single one was both long term and monogamous. Don’t believe the lies that the professional homosexual activists will tell you. They’re either deluded or outright liars. I know all about this; I lived it all.About how do we know who goes to heaven or hell? We don’t know. The best was it was explained to me is that God’s laws are like the speed limit. We can tell if we see a car racing past us that they’re speeding. But what we can’t tell is if the person is racing to the hospital carrying a dying child. In other words, we know what issues are grave matters – murder, denying God, adultery, etc. But what no one can tell is how much a person’s will has been compromised. A few months ago I worked with a homeless man in a wheel chair. His alcoholism was as bad as it can get. He had drunk himself to near death and was confined to a wheelchair. And he had no faith in God, didn’t pray and was as far from the Church as could be. Yet, how can anyone say how God sees this man? On one side, he’s made a mess of his God-given life, he’s destroyed his body, violated his commandments and has no love for God. On the other hand, his mind has been so poisoned by alcohol that how much control does he have over his life. I look at my own life. I was on drugs and in homosexuality for over thirty years. Both are mortal sins. Yet I know what I went through as a kid that lead me to this point. I honestly can’t say how God would have handled me.We can say however how the Church should handle these situations and that is we need to repent, amend our ways and come into the Church.These two positions are not contradictory. We can tell what is sin and what is holy, even if we cannot judge like God judges. We work out our salvation in fear and trembling.
Fr, From the comments, it looks like I'm not the only one who could use some clear cut instruction re: how to do an examen, how to respond to priests who tell you in the confessional "that's not a sin" and/or how to identify such sins as judgementalness, ommission etc. In other words, just a little basic sound catechesis would help alot. I am very happy that some priests in our diocese have started trying to 'promote' confession again but, after not hearing a word about from the pulpit in years, its not enough to just get up there & say "go to confession". Most pewsitters don't really know where to start!
I don’t know what you do Father, but my Pastor has discovered that one of the best ways to promote the Sacrament of confession is to make it readily available every day. He hears confessions a half hour before every Mass every day, in addition to the hour on Saturday afternoon.Not only do many parishoners confess every day or two, but many outside the parish come in because they know its available.When a Priest offers confession every day, people begin to realize that it’s important.
This is for the woman who wasn’t sure why she should go to confession as she hasn’t committed any mortal sins.I’ve been in a similar situation too and it’s always a sign that you’re ready to move on to a new level. Trust the Church when she says that confession is a good thing for us. Don’t let that voice in your head tell you that there’s nothing you can get out of it. Pray on this, read the guide to an examination of conscience, and read the Beatitudes. There’s a lot more that all of us can be doing, and when we’re not doing those things that’s a sin of omission.Trust God and the Church. My experience is that when your ego does not know what to say, that’s always a sign that something inside of you is waiting to get out. I wish you well!
chimakuni and outnawayz -You may be right that the kind of relationships I refer to are rare. But monogamous gay relationships *do* exist – despite being only 25, I personally know 2 couples like this – and so my question stands.As for changing my question to try and involve abortion, it won’t wash. The two situations are not analogous, that is a classic bait and switch to change the subject without answering the question. Why should “sinful” sexual behaviour – which may be loving and tender and exclusive – earn the same punishment as murder? Just out of interest, if it is OK for men to live together as long as they’re not sexual partners, does this mean they can hold hands? What about kissing? What about cuddling?
Andrew, I share many similarities with you. First, I saw you were from Fairfax, VA, which I am as well. Secondly, I am a convert as well. I converted because my fiance said she could never see herself as not Catholic and I wanted to be able to partake in the Eucharist and raise my children in the same Church. It, along with getting engaged with my fiance have been the best choices of my life. I also cannot imagine my life, relationship and knowledge with God without the sacraments and the Catholic faith.
Niall, I think you are being disingenuous. First of all you put the word sinful in quotes so apparently you don’t really think this behavior is sinful. You also say that this behavior may be “loving”; homosexual behavior is not “loving” it is lustful. I don’t really believe that you or anyone else is truly unable to distinguish between love and lust; I think it is just a convenient lie you tell in order to rationalize sinful behavior. You ask “…does this mean they can hold hands? What about kissing? What about cuddling”, again this is nothing more than disingenuous argumentation; this is just like Bill Clinton’s “that depends on what your definition of the word ‘is’ is”, you are just trying to obfuscate the whole issue.Also the situation is analogous to abortion, both are sinful and all sin is an offense against God. Plus, it was already stated that there may indeed be different levels of punishment.
CDW, I think we are going to have to agree to disagree about the morality of gay sex, although I would still hope that you might come to see more shades of grey when it comes to intimate relationships, but I have one question:How can you possibly know that all homosexual acts are motivated by lust rather than love? I simply do not think we can make that call.One of the greatest quotes on this topic comes from a priest, who said that, when thinking about sex, many people… “lack the categories for the middle ground of ordinary human erotic sensibility. When sex is mentioned they think either of procreative marital sex or lustful congress. The ordinary currents of sexual feeling are repressed from consciousness, so that they sometimes speak in a far more erotic way than they imagine, and sometimes clamp down on something they may find “suggestive” with surprising violence. They suffer from a scotoma (a spot in the visual field in which vision is absent or deficient) that can be quite disorienting. In relation to gayness, whether themselves gay or not, they can think only in terms of “sodomy”, conceived in the crudest images, or “chastity” understood as total surrender to an absolute authority. The middle ground of relaxed sexual interest and affection between men or between women is not accessible to them. The authoritarian personality thrives on this limitation of sensibility.”
Niall,First, love the name, and the spelling of it.You’re asking some good questions, questions I’ve asked myself. I didn’t start out with being against homosexuality. I really was the most out person I knew. Really everyone who’s known me for thirty years knows that I was into guys.My first point is the hardest to explain, but it’s about surrender to the will of God even when we don’t understand why his will is the way it is. Our understanding of his will can grow only once we have submitted to it. The Church doesn’t requite anyone to understand totally her teachings, just to accept that they are true, even if you have your doubts, and to not publicly go against them.You sound really sincere in your questions and not so emphatic in defending homosexuality. That’s a great start. So, can you go to the Bible, to Romans 1 in particular and other places, and see that the Bible teaches that homosexuality is wrong? St. Paul talks about it coming out of the worship of false gods. In our day, these false gods are money, power and above all the ego. St. Paul sees homosexuality as life in the flesh as compared with life in the spirit.The other thing to understand about the Bible is that its view of heterosexuality is very different from our version of it. St. Paul clearly says that it’s better for people to devote themselves totally to God and man instead of getting married. And if you do get married, God should always come first, above your family and above yourself. Until you understand that, you won’t understand how the Church views sex in general.Sex also mirrors on earth the love between Christ and his Church.You say that homosexual monogamy is rare but around. Yes, I’d say that too, but would really emphasize the rare part. Also these two couples you know…you don’t know how long they will be monogamous. If you’re gay, you must know that most gay men, myself included, are miles away from what we should be. What I’ve seen in the gay world continues to shock me. The other day, I slipped up and went on this gay chat site. A bunch of guys were talking about how they all used to want to have sex with their fathers when they were kids. One said it “was the best” kind of sex. This filth brought me to my senses and I posted a comment about how sick that was. Then I was banned from the site. They allow for incest talk, but they don’t allow it to be criticized.Is this anecdotal? Yup. But where I haven’t seen incest, I’ve seen child abuse. Where I haven’t seen child abuse I’ve seen cruising in bathrooms. Where I haven’t seen cruising in bathrooms, I’ve seen drug abuse. Where I haven’t seen drug abuse, I’ve seen depression and mental illness. And the very few guys I’ve seen who weren’t like that were totally lonely in a crazy world.What I’ve had to face is that my own homosexuality is bad for me. It seems to be tied in with all sorts of other weaknesses too, like laziness and overeating, and a bad temper. But you’re right in that it’s not the love part that is so sick. It’s the sex part. That part leads me back into all the other problems.I have a guy who I used to go out with. He has a lot of problems too. He’s a pathological liar. He can’t tell the truth even when he knows that I know he’s lying. But he’s put up with my temper and other problems. I have to say that I still love him. Part of me still is very turned on by him too. But that part seems to lead to craziness on both of our parts. I wish that he’d join the Church. I still hope for some sort of love relationship to come out of it. Love is fine, according to the priests I’ve talked to.So, what I’d say is to learn to accept what the Church teaches as a matter of faith. And remember, there’s always confession. I fall back into homosexual stuff a fair amount. It’s a deep habit and will take a long time to change. But every time I fall I realize more how destructive it is for me and for my relationship to God.Another thing I’ve learned is that when we really want love, we will use sex in order to get it. We think that unless we use sex that the guy will leave us. What the Church has taught is that if it is sex that is holding the person to us, they don’t really love us.Remember, to be a good Catholic you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be sincere and to try. Failure is OK, as long as it isn’t something you planned. That’s why we have confession.I’d like to talk more with you, so keep this going.
Niall, is your quoting of a priest your trump card? Dissenting priests are a dime a dozen these days. Pick almost any heresy and you can find a priest somewhere willing to espouse it. (No offense to the priesthood or priests in general; indeed all the heretical priests engender in me even more respect for the faithful ones)How do I know that homosexual acts are lustful – it is the nature of the beast. How does one know that rape, incest and pedophilia are lustful; it is in their very nature.You can chose to live in the “grey” (I think they are much closer to black) areas if you like, you have the free will to do so; I will try to live in the light.So yes, I guess we disagree on this.
Kyle,That’s great! I’d like to hear more about your journey. And you’re a fellow Fairfax resident too…Shoot me an email if you get a chance at andrewdmaurer[at]yahoo.comAndrew
Niall,About that gray space between love and lust, I do hear what the priest is saying and how it seems to be authoritarian to insist on being all on side.On the other hand, that is what the Church teaches. So how do we join these two ideas?Yes I think that when the Church’s teaching are applied in real life some problems can come up. A person can repress their innate drives to the point of neuroses. I think the Church’s teachings have to applied with maturity and compassion, not with a shallowness that cares more about the written law than the person.But I don’t water down the teaching in order to have a false compassion. Because it turns out that Billy Joel was wrong, we don’t laugh with the sinners and cry with the saints. It’s the sinner who end up crying, and I’m talking about here on earth, not just in heaven and hell.One, we have to be honest with where we start this journey with Christ. I started out having lived as a homosexual for a long time. I have a lot of bad habits. Do you know the three parts making up mortal sins? The subject has to be grave (murder, etc.), the person has to know it’s wrong, and most importantly, the person has to act with free will. My will has been compromised by years of sexual sins. This is a very personal and subjective thing but I know when I’ve crossed the line from venial to mortal sin, and I always err on the side of assuming something might be a mortal sin and go to confession before communion. For example, I might allow myself some sexual chat on-line and for me, at the point I am in my journey, that is a venial sin. But if I look at pornography a lot, not just a brief thing, but for a while over the course of several days, that’s a mortal sin. And any sexual contact with another guy is a mortal sin as well.The important part is that my life is moving in the direction towards holiness. I’d expect that in a while, what is now a venial sin for me will be a mortal sin as my will becomes more free of the sexual obsessions.God is our Father, and he treats us with love and compassion. Did you ever take a look at a kindergarten kid’s art work? Half the time you can’t even tell what it’s supposed to be. But if the kid has made an effort, the kid will get a good grade on it. That’s how it is with sin. God treats us as a loving Father with compassion. The main thing is whether we’ve put him first, if we’re contrite with our sins, and if we’re trying hard to be holy. But what is passable work in kindergarten is failing work in second grade. We have to be growing in holiness. For me, and for many people that means spending less time on selfish sexual thrills and more time working on myself and more time praising God and helping my fellow man.What that priest is saying is that we stay in kindergarten all our lives. His gray zone becomes stunted growth. This growth may take a long time, and no one knows a person’s level of holiness except the person. The trap here, and I’ve seen this from several gay guys who are in the Church, is that they are not concerned with growth away from homosexuality. They take the valid point that their free will is compromised but they keep on doing things that weaken that same will, in other words they keep on having sex with men as if there is no consequence for it.But the standard of holiness must be there. I cannot say that the sex chat that I do sometimes is OK. It’s not. It’s still a sin and I should grow out of it. But where I am at now is a world away from where I was last year. But I recognize that the sex chat I do sometimes is still a sin, albeit not a mortal sin. What this priest said in your quote also seems to deny both the power of God’s forgiveness and the power that has to change us. In some sense we’re never holy enough, and we never can do enough. But we can’t be too tough on ourselves when we don’t live the way we should. That’s what confession is all about – total forgiveness of our sins. Through confession and prayer, we can grow and live a life that would surprise us now.So there is a gray zone, but it’s not with regard to what’s holy and what’s not. The gray zone is the level of maturity and holiness in our souls. In that gray zone we grow, not stagnate. I wouldn’t worry about where you are as long as you know what’s right and wrong (homosexual acts are always wrong), and keep on trying. Failure is fine as long as there is contrition. That’s because God is a loving Father.The other thing is that from both my own experience and in the experience of the Church, homosexuality offers things that it doesn’t deliver. It’s a lie, a trick. But I still think that love between two men outside of sex is fine. But if the sex part is bad for the individual, then sex with another man is not about love, it’s about having fun at the moment.
niall – I do not think that any sin can be ignored. The reason I wrote about abortion is because that is the sin I am most familiar with in my life. Sin is death, no matter if it is from acting out in a homosexual matter or by using our free will to abort our baby.I lived very closely with homosexuals for years when I lived in the Bay Area. I loved some of them, and disliked others of them. Their behavior and mine at the time was not godly. Like outnawayz writes, to grow away from our behaviors is not easy, but it is necessary for growth in Christ.It is difficult to love the sinner and hate the sin. . .because sometimes we get so wrapped up in the ‘rightness’ of the sin that the lines become blurred.My promiscuity (hetero) injured me in so many different areas of my life. It lead to my abortion. It lead to death – a very distinct and concrete example of sin being deadly.Outanawayz, having known so many practicing homosexuals over the years (my uncle was the first one I was introduced to when I was but a mere babe), I do have much admiration for your growth. I have often thought of homosexual behavior as being stunted sexual growth – and that is from the actions of the majority in the homosexual community. Also, from observing my little ones (now big) in their love of self, which is good and necessary for growth, I know that self love is necessary for a strong self image, but when it is stunted, then the person wishes to experience a mirror image and not an opposite image in their sexual life. I could be so far off base with my thinking on this – I do defer to the Church … and in that Christ desires Mercy and not sacrifice.The bottom line in any sin is that the Church can absolve her children, and God’s mercy and love are boundless and abundant.
Chimakuni,Thanks for backing me up on what I said about homosexuality. I write a fair amount on mostly secular sites only to be met with personal insults, attacks and snide comments. Mostly I’m told that I’m a liar and that I’m really a straight guy posing to be have been gay.I’ve done this enough to start to sum up what I’ve heard, because really it is all the same.I say that homosexuality only brings unhappiness to those who are in it. I say that homosexuals won’t tell their straight friends what really goes on or what “gay life” is really like. I point out how gay men are so plagued with drug abuse, alcohol abuse, depression, suicide and murder or domestic violence. I talk about the promiscuity of gay men, and of the frequency of real perversion – child abuse, incest, sado-masochism, etc.After I’ve said I get both gay men and straight people denying all this. I hear from straight people something like “I know lots of gay people and they go to work, pay their taxes and are good friends. I don’t see any of this.” I hear variations of this all the time. Then I get some crocodile tears to the effect like, “I’m sorry you had a tough time in the gay life, maybe you just had some bad luck.”This may hold if I was out for a year, or even for five years. With thirty years under my belt, Id’ say I have a pretty good handle on gay life.I started to wonder how these straight and gay people can have opinions of what gay life is like that differ so from mine, and I have some conclusions.One, straight people are kept in the dark about what homosexual life is like. From what I gather, black people will talk one way around white people and another way around other black people. The same thing is true for gay people. Gay guys won’t talk about cruising in public bathrooms, or random hook ups with strangers, or how they get into whatever kinky sex thing. So straight people just don’t have the information. So they’re ready to believe the propaganda that gay people are just like straight people. The other thing is that gay men are a lot like alcoholics who drink on the side and no one knows that they’re drunks. They know enough to keep up an false appearance to others. Again, their straight friends don’t know what’s going on in their sex lives.Another thing is that the moral standards of homosexuals are so warped and damaged that they truly believe that what they’re doing is normal. The other day I had a talk with a gay man with no religion who told me that in the morning he had met a random stranger on the net, had the guy over and (excuse the hint an an expletitve) “f*#@’ed the brains out of him.” He said he knew he would never see the guy again. He didn’t know the guy’s last name, if he truly was HIV positive or not, or anything about the guy. To this guy, this was a great experience. He said it made him feel great.So when I state that gay people do really dehumanizing things, they will deny it and attack me, because to them, an experience like this is totally average and not special. Their experiences are very unhealthy but they’ve lost the ability to know how unhealthy they are. So they will say in good faith that their lives are not unhealthy. I think you’re right that homosexuality is immature. I think it’s caused by some sort of child abuse, or emotional damage done to the child at an early age. Of course, gay people will tell me what a wonderful childhood they had and how everything was normal. In other words I get more lies. I have a good friend, a gay guy, who told me any number of times what a totally happy childhood he had. Once I knew him later I found out that his mother was a very controlling person who he called a “nazi”, who later killed herself. Some happy childhood. My own mother was probably psychotic. Another friend’s father killed himself. My ex-lover’s mother sexually abused him. I worked with a lot of gay men trying to get them to come out. I did this for years. Even when I was totally pro-gay, I realized that I was working with seriously damaged people, with people who had been wrecked emotionally. Have you ever talked to an alcoholic? Have you ever tried to get them to talk about the problems that drive them to drink? When an alcoholic is not ready to face his problems, they will deny that they’re in pain. They’ll deny that there’s anything wrong with them. An alcoholic will deny that they drink; they’ll say that they just like a drink now and again. They’ll say that they can handle their drinks.Another thing is that most homosexuals hate the normal. I’d put this under the category of things they keep covered from straight people. I’ve heard the most contempt from homosexuals towards the Church, the family, motherhood, fatherhood, masculinity and femininity. They not only are pro-abortion, many seem to hate children. Many of them, the political ones especially hate America. Many really want to destroy all that’s good in the world. This is how homosexuals can deny what I know to be true about homosexuality. To sum up, 1.) Straight people aren’t told how dark gay life is. 2.) Gay people will hide these things from straight people. 3.)Most homosexuals have a warped morality that can’t see how messed up what they do. 4.) Most are so far in the disease of homosexuality that that they will lie to themselves and to others in order to keep themselves in the gay world. This is just like a drunk.Like I said, I’m just putting this all together and these are new thoughts that are only half worked out. But you’ll hear all of what I’ve heard – about how nice and normal gay people are – and we’ll all need some understanding of how this denial of reality comes about. Because if you ever argue with homosexuals, or most especially with straight people, you’re going to hear how normal homosexuality is. And unless you’re prepared you won’t have any success in changing them.And let me tell you this, the situation is far worse than any of us would have suspected. The shocking part to me is how well the gay propaganda machine has radicalized straight people. We really need to get out and talk to the kids about this before someone else does.And if you’re not fired up to pass a constitutional amendment to protect marriage yet, then look at Massachusetts. With legalized homosexual “marriage”, they now have to educate kids in the public schools about how wonderful homosexuality is. I think they’re now spending one hundred million dollars a year on homosexual propaganda towards the kids of Massachusetts, all because same sex “marriage” has been legalized.We need to gear up to fight this this or else it will destroy America.
I am stunned – absolutely stunned outnawayz. Thank you for writing truthfully and with such eloquence. I have known about the homosexual lifestyle for years, I have spoken about this to straight people for years, and have been met with absolute denial that the homosexual behavior is detrimental and deadly.I have lost friends in the homosexual community – friends who have committed suicide, drank themselves to death or died of AIDS. I miss each and every one of them. Last year our school district permitted a Gay and Lesbian Club to be on campus. I protested and was told that these clubs have every right to be there…I am so sad…Two weeks ago, I was at a fair and saw a young man who was extremely effeminate in his behavior, selling hair products. I wanted to stop and talk with him, talk with him about the fact that he does not have to stay in the deadly homosexual lifestyle.There are so many who are duped and like you write, outnawayz, they are so deep into this that they cannot see a way out.Thank you for your truthful words – I shall pray for you, that you continue growing in Christ and please pray for me, that I will follow His Will in my days.
I am asking for prayers – we just sent our sons, 14 and 15 years of age to public school for the first time this year.Today, the bulletin is advertising a GSA club that promises a good time and thanks everyone for signing up so that there will be a safe and secure environment at the school.GSA stands for Gay Straight Alliance and this club is targeting middle and high schools around our nation.I currently have a phone call into the superintendent – not something I want to do, but something I feel called to do – to explain to him exactly what this predatory behavior is all about.Please pray for me – that God will give me the right words to say – that He will help the school understand why this club is nothing but a front for immoral, deadly behavior.Thank you –