In Slubgrip Instructs the demon Slubgrip has been demoted to teach Popular Culture 101 at Bowelbages University. While he bullies and badgers his scrofulous students he is also plotting with his old friend Knobswart to take over the university administration. His daily Luciferian lectures are interspersed with guest lecturers like Zelnick–who lectures on how to corrupt film. Here’s an excerpt:
Door closes. Bell clanging. Crowd voices and movement. A gruff, smoky voice is heard. It is the demon Zelnick:
Slubgrip told me you guys were a pain in the behind. Now sit down, will you? Listen, I got connections. OK? You don’t want to sit there and pay attention, I can call the Flancks right now. Grimwort, hand me that prod. I need to light my cigar.
I guess Slubgrip was telling you about that “seeing is believing“ line? It’s a good one. So the old boy tells me he’s talking to you about philosophy. My opinion is too much of that stuff is risky. If they start thinking things through, you never know where it’s going to lead. Philosophy? Fugeddaboudit. Keep them dazzled and they’ll never have time to think things through.
For centuries all we had was the theatrical stage. What a huge pain in the behind it all was with pulleys and props and prima donnas—all that trooping about and la-di-da stuff! All the time you have to put up with these so-called stars. The main point is that through the theater we were able to give the mongrels something to entertain and amuse them. They identified with what they saw (remember “seeing is believing”); and by tempting the playwrights and producers to cater to the lowest taste of the audience, we were able to sway the minds of the brutes simply by spinning a good yarn in an entertaining way.
I don’t mind telling you there was a risk. The Enemy is cunning and he’s cheap. He don’t mind stealing our best ideas and flipping them for his purposes. Me and my boys were doing a good job with that treacherous, atheist playwright Christopher Marlowe and then what do you know? The Enemy allows Marlowe to get bumped off and he comes up with William Shakespeare.
First they invented photography, then motion pictures and then the computer screen. Now we are at the point where the humans are entering “the age of the screen.” The chimps with souls now spend huge amounts of their time staring at a screen. Television screens, movie screens, iPads, smart phones, animated billboards, smart boards in schools…the list goes on. They play games on the screen, talk with each other on the screen, watch movies on the screen, do homework on the screen, do office work on the screen, watch news on the screen. I Screen. You Screen! We all Screen for iScreen!!
This is a success for us. Big time.