Listen hon, I’m getting down to business. I’m fed up with the lily livered middle aged priests in their day glo polyester vestments. Now I’m in town we are going to kick some serious…I mean do some serious make overs.
I didn’t go to school for four years and work my knuckles to the bone to get my degree in Ecclesiastical Garb of the Latin Church only to march into Mass on a Sunday and see Father Folkmass in a dirty old cassock alb with velcro fasteners. Geesh, he looks like a walking pile of mashed potatoes. And that broad stole he wears on top of his chasuble??!! The one with the grain and grapes on it? I mean how 1982 is that??!!
I say, if you’re going to be a Catholic look and sound like a Catholic. Throw out the polyester. Bring in polyphony. Those cheap see through cassock albs are surplus. Bring back the cassock and the surplice. Throw out the people of the parish parade. Bring in the procession with lots of brocade. Men should know their place: it’s wearing lots of lace.
Forget the reform of the reform. We’re talking revolution of the reform.
Here’s the bottom line fellas: You choose. Your zucchetto or my machete. Wear the biretta or I’ll get my beretta.