MSM Reporter Todd Unctuous gives his opinion on this week’s momentous news from Rome.
It came as no surprise last week when the Pope in Rome launched a shameless attack on his fellow Christians in the Anglican Church. Ignoring years of careful, scholarly study and dialogue with the Anglicans, the eighty seven year old pontiff, who is a former Nazi, decided unilaterally on his own to open the doors to disaffected Anglicans. This was a blatant attempt to steal worshippers from another church. This sort of poaching is typical of Benedict, in fact I am told that ‘eggs Benedict’ are made with poached eggs because of the Pope’s habit of poaching people from other churches. I am uncertain where the Hollandaise sauce originates from but a friend of mine said that the Catholic Church in Holland is notorious for the same sort of outrageous behavior.
Why this move now at this time? No doubt Benedict XVI is worried by the alarming decline in numbers of priests in his own church. They are leaving in droves. Thousands are leaving to get married. Thousands more are leaving because they are simply fed up with a church that continues to be homophobic, misogynistic and bigoted against women and homosexuals. Thousands more are fleeing Benedict’s iron fist because he continues to support the ban on condoms in Africa, thus condemning millions to death. Thousands more are leaving because they have stopped believing in Benedict’s medieval form of religion.
Will the Pope in Rome win in this ecclesiastical poker game? Will the recruits come flooding across the Tiber River from the Anglican Church? I don’t think so. In fact exactly the opposite result may be the result. When Catholics see the kind of man they are getting even more will run for the doors. I am not myself a religious man, but I respect people like Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey who have a strong spirituality and stand up for their beliefs. And Vice President Joe Biden. I asked two friends of mine, Darren and Joey what they thought of the move. They said that all their Catholic friends are appalled at their own church’s homophobia and if they get a conservative former Anglican priest they will be out the door. They and many Catholic priests will go to the Episcopalians.
Listen to the people Pope Benedict! It’s not rocket science. They don’t want your old fashioned religion. Ordinary guys who love each other like Darren and Joey will be out the door. You might gain a few women hating homophobes, but you’ll lose ten ordinary Catholics for every one you gain. I thought the Catholic Church was all about unity and including as many people as possible and yet by opening the doors to Anglicans you are driving more people away from the Catholic Church.
Let’s face it, religion is a business like any other business. The Pope in Rome sees his market share falling. He’s come up with a new idea–not to win new customers, but to steal from his competitors. All it’s bound to do is show that the Catholic Church is morally bankrupt. This Pope is shameless. The only difference between him an a televangelist weeping and pleading for money is that he is old and speaks with a German accent. Some people have called him the ‘German Shepherd’. And even worse: ‘Nazi Raztzi.’ I would never use the name myself because I have too much respect for a religious leader even if I do not agree with his misguided policies, but others have been outspoken in this way.
Those of us who stand for progress look forward to the next Pope who will probably be a person who will bring in the necessary reforms to bring the Catholic Church out of the Stone Age and into the Modern Age.
Todd Unctuous is forty two. For more information on Todd Unctuous go here.