Guest blogger Mantilla Amontillado is the founder of Veritas Vestments. She holds a degree in Ecclesiastical Haberdashery from Salamanca University. She has done the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostella three times on horseback and is engaged to the famous matador, Senor Augusto Torquemada.

OK. Hon. I know I been very busy. See Veritas Vestments is getting big orders and I have to get them all done for Christmas you know? So I don’t have too much time to write about these things, so I give you this little article a nice girl in America write about wearing the veil to Holy Mass. OK. OK. I know the veil is a little bit, you know, wimpy. It’s not really a mantilla, but it’s better than nothing.

Sometime I visit in America and when I go to Mass I can’t believe my eyes. Girls coming to Mass wearing shorts and flippy floppies or what you call them? Sometime they are wearing tops with little thin straps over the shoulder and you can see their underwear. Hon. This is not good. Sure, it is not too modest, but to tell you the truth, usually the girl who wear these clothes is not too sexy anyway. You know what I mean? So it’s not only no modest, it’s not nice to look at anyway. They should cover up. Then sometime they are chewing gum as well! Madre de Dios! They are looking like cows chewing the cud you know?

So I think maybe if some girls wear the veil, then they dress the right way in those other clothes too you know? You never see girls in veils wearing halter tops. And another thing hon. They way we dress? Everybody think it doesn’t matter. They think it is only our business and nobody else should care. When I am in America and ask my nieces about this they say, “Mantilla, it is nobody else’s business what I wear to church.”

So I say, “What you talking about! I am the one who has to look at you! So what you wear is my business. What you wear at home? That’s your business. You go around naked if you want. At home you go around wearing a big bunny suit if you want. I don’t care. But you come to church I have to look at you. You know?” Anyway hon. It is making me mad this kind of talk. So I say to her, “Look. What I wear to church make you think something and make you feel something. Same thing. What you wear to church make me think something and feel something, and when I see you wear beach clothes to church it make me think of the beach and not of heaven and God and Jesus and Mary. When I dress nice for church it make you think nice things about Jesus and Mary.”

Another thing hon. The way we dress make us behave a certain way. You dress in a fancy ball gown you behave like a lady. You dress in blue jeans and a slouchy shirt you behave in a slouchy way. It’s not hard. Look at Augusto. He dress in his outfit to be matador and so he behave brave and strong and true. He don’t go out to be a matador dressed in blue jeans. He’s no slouch out there.

If he do that El Toro probably not respect him and get mad and he gets gored, and no more Augusto. You know? Same thing with El Diablo–you go to church dressed like you are going to a picnic and you are chewing gum? He not going to respect you. El Diablo is going to poke a hole in you hon, and Jesus is just going to stand there doing nothing because he don’t like those beach clothes in Mass anyhow.

You know what I mean hon?